Page Forty-Four

Shane is Kevin's son.

He'll be 10 years old the end of September.

I was thrilled that Kevin thought that our relationship had progressed to the point where

he thought it was time for me to meet Shane.

Kevin is the best father I have ever met,

and he doesn't usually introduce his son to any girls he dates,

unless he feels that there is a ...relationship potential.

Embarking on a new relationship is a lot like starting a new job.

I felt I had already filled out the 'application' and submitted my 'resume' for review.

I must have passed the background and reference check,

cause I was called in for several 'interviews.'

I think I aced the... physical, as I was then given the 'grand tour'.

I learned all about 'the company', saw what benefits came with the 'package',

and eagerly read through the 'associate handbook.'

Meeting Shane was like getting the job,

but I still had to make it through 'orientation' and the dreaded... 'probation period.'

I knew there were a lot more 'applicants' out there far more qualified than me.

With little formal education in this field and no prior success stories behind me,

I would have to rely on my wits, experience and personality.

Hey Mom... light a few more candles for me, will ya?

Kevin finally arrived at my apartment with Shane and one of his little friends.

He had an adorable face and was very polite, but shy.

He liked the cats and Lisa's collection of Beanie Babies. So far... so good.

We left for Clementon Lake Park. My first day on the 'new job.'

The park was a combination Amusement/Water Park.

I had decided that I wouldn't bring a bathing suit,

I'd just watch.

Since it was my 'first day'... I didn't want to ruin my hair by getting it wet.

But it was so... hot!

My makeup melting and hair drooping anyway,

I finally decided I might as well cool off.

I had watched people coming out the end of the tunnel of some enormous

water slide, and it looked pretty tame. Most of them didn't even get their hair wet.

I remember thinking I'd be able to cool off and still manage to preserve my hairdo.

Plus, I would appear to be a really fun and adventurous person.

Qualities that a 10 year old might think of as... "requirements."

I opted to go on the ride with Kevin on a float made for two people.

Figured I'd sneak a little romance in there.

Watching a ride and actually going on a ride can be entirely different.

Careening 40 mph through a totally dark, cold, wet tunnel,

with numerous unexpected twists and turns,

unable to determine where you were or when the ride was actually going to end,

made me wonder if I had accidentally gotten in the wrong line.

At the end of the ride there is a slide... which is more like a... drop... into a small pool.

A lifeguard awaits your arrival only to yell "get up and get out of the water!" at you.

I now know exactly how it must feel to be flushed down a toilet.

I survived the ride, but getting out of the float was more difficult than I expected,

despite the encouraging words from the life guard.

Kevin got out without incident.

I flipped the float over, got completely submerged in the water,

and tripped up the steps exiting the pool, scraping my knee.

Trying to gather what dignity I had left I mumbled, "Wow. That was... fun."

So much for the hairdo and makeup.

Hoping for a little kiss from Kevin,

I popped what I thought was an Altoid Mint into my mouth.

I had completely forgotten that I had put several Excedrin Migraine tablets into the box,

just in case the day didn't... go well.

Ever suck on an Excedrin?

Ever suck on one when you expected it to be a mint?

Ever have that shock when you were standing in front of lots of people and

couldn't spit it out for fear of looking like an idiot?

The flavor does last a lot longer than the Altoid does.

So there I stood, in soaking wet clothes, with flat, wet hair, sticky from hairspray,

smeared mascara, bleeding knees and Excedrin breath.

I think I made quite an impression on Shane.

Kevin said he didn't think Shane was actually avoiding me the rest of the day,

he was just off having fun with the friend that he brought with him.

"Day One" finally came to an end, and they headed back to Delaware.

Kevin called me when he got home and I nervously asked him what Shane thought about me.

I almost died when he yelled, "Hey Shane! What did you think of LeeAnn?"

He said he thought I was... "nice."

Nice is good... right?

The next week I decided that I would make an attempt to get over my phobia

of bridges and drive to Delaware to visit Kevin and Shane.

I hadn't even attempted to drive over a bridge in 15 years.

I did make it, but I needed Lisa to talk me through it on my cell phone

almost the whole way there.

When I arrived, Shane had just gotten home from school.

We had to leave immediately to run a few errands,

then we stopped at McDonald's to get Shane a quick snack on the way to Soccer Practice.

Kevin was the Coach, and I was going to sit on the side lines and watch.

He's so good with kids.

I heard the other mother's whispering to each other, wondering if I was Kevin's wife.

I figured what the heck?

Kevin was having soccer practice, so I might as well have wife practice.

After the game, we went back to Kevin's house, ordered a pizza, helped Shane

with his homework, cleaned up the mess we made, and put Shane to bed.

Kevin told Shane that I was going to spend the night cause it was late and he didn't want me to drive all the way back to New Jersey by myself.

"Where's she going to sleep?"

"One of us will sleep on the couch and one of us will sleep in my bed", he answered.

I hoped he was fibbing.

While Kevin tucked Shane into bed, I quickly ran a comb through my hair,

powered my nose, brushed my teeth, and slipped into something

a little more... comfortable.

When he returned he smiled. "We're not done yet!"

I thought once you put the kids to bed...

It was off to the kitchen to make Shane's lunch for the next day.

Then we had to iron something for him to wear to school.

By the time we finished everything that needed to be done... it was almost midnight.

Good thing Kevin only has one child.

How in the world did I ever do it with THREE?

We peeked in to see if Shane was asleep,

and there he was curled up in his bed with the little stuffed animal that I had

brought him that day.

He looked absolutely adorable.

I think I'm making... progress!

When we woke up in the morning, I had hoped that Shane would let me

take him to school, but he wanted his father to do it.

After they left, I found myself alone, but decided to make myself... useful.

I wanted to show them how great it would be to have a woman in the house.

Right above Kevin's bed is a huge... stuffed... wild bore's head.

He had shot it with a bow and arrow on a previous hunting trip.

It was hairy, had long, sharp, pointy tusks on either side,

and was quite a sight to... wake up to.

I have stuffed animals in my bedroom, too.

But they are the cute, soft and cuddly kind.

I thought that the flower I placed behind Kevin's wild bore's ear made him look

a little less... threatening.

But I decided to remove it cause I had a feeling that wasn't the 'look' he had in mind.

I made his bed, and went to the kitchen.

Emptying the dishwasher, I had no idea where the dishes went.

I put them where I would put them if they were mine.

Kevin and Shane are still looking for their plates and glasses.

Odd, the things that bachelors put in the dishwasher.

I guess some of the things that I removed were... fishing tools.

Either that, or Kevin hasn't gotten around to telling me about his interest in

medieval torture devices.

Always check to make sure people actually have a garbage disposal before you

push food down the sink. It takes a long time to get it back out

when you discover that they... don't. The phone rang. Several times.

I didn't know if I should answer it or not.

I finally decided that maybe it was Kevin calling. It wasn't. It was the 'Neilson Rating' people,

and they wanted to know if I was "the lady of the house."

I didn't know what to say. "I am right now"?

"I hope to be someday"? "I'm the only lady here at the moment"?

"No, I'm just... visiting"?

"Actually, I don't even live here, I'm just answering the phone while I clog up the kitchen sink"?

I finally answered, "No... I'm just the babysitter."

I was going to do more around the house,

but I figured I'd better wait until they knew me better before I shrunk their jeans,

made the colors run on their favorite tee-shirts, scrubbed the finish off of their furniture,

unexpectedly blew up the vacuum cleaner bag when it was too full,

glued myself to their kitchen counter with Super Glue,

burnt cookies or accidentally broke any of their favorite knick-knacks.

All the little touches I used to do for my family...

when I had one.

There will be plenty of time for that in the future.

I hope!